Sunday, 15 May 2016

its been a while...

its been a while and i'm not in the right head space for posting positive affirmations (apologies)... popped back to try and get my thoughts down and make a few plans.... so this week the landlord has given us two weeks notice of a rent increase.. mines going up by £150 a month ... not so tragic for the boys as they pay more anyway (bigger rooms) but my increase is a kicker... granted the LL hasnt put my rent up in 15 years so part of me is very grateful; ive had an easy ride compared to some but my critical self (admit it, we all have it!) is thinking why didnt he just put it up gradually over the past few years and then it wouldnt be such a shock now.. im shit at budgeting (taking my mothers and the ostrich approach) and as he plans to sell the house next year im now faced with a situation of having no savings (i know, i know.. stupid woman!!), facing 50 and facing a move that i dont want (as cant afford to buy this place off him) possibly out of LDN as the rental market is so over-priced and i cant afford to live on my own... the boys have their own plans and im not included which i understand but it doesnt stop me being fearful of the future... and i'll miss the kitties which will  break my heart.... :(






 so as of yesterday the tightening of belts begins, literally and figuratively. i figure i need to save £500/month to have any hope of getting enough funds to move when the time comes... that leaves me with a £250 deficit each month with the unexpected rent increase and nothing for food... gotta rethink this a bit. i have lots of stuff i can sell (another thing i meant to do years ago...) and i certainly dont need any new stuff.. in fact i had 3 deliveries of new clothes arrive this weekend and its all going back.. gotta be tough, gotta get the debts paid off and stop dealing with my anxiety and depression with retail therapy and food!!!  ... digging out the cheap as chips recipes (thank you Jack M) and trying to plan on how i can pretty much live on fresh air.... well not quite that but there wont be much room for play. i worked out that with my morning coffee and lunches im spending at least £30 a week so theres 130 a month straight away (still gotta eat though but could knock out some work lunches for about £10 a week if im careful - lucky i love chick peas!),, so theres £120 saved. just another £130 to go... as debts decrease that will get easier but i really did not want to be scrapping around at my age for money.. should have known better. have had my head in the sand my entire life..

so to start as i mean to go on last night i made a kind of a spicy stew thing (instead of the usual saturday night takeaway) with an old piece of chorizo that was lurking in the fridge and a butternut squash that had been sitting around on the kitchen bench for a few weeks, added some garlic, hot sauce, onions, chick peas and tinned tomatoes and it wasnt half bad! also had enough to freeze a couple of portions which i can take for lunch this week!

on my way home today i contemplated going to the market to get mayo and then stopped myself, came home and made some vegan mayo with some tofu i had in the cupboard. it wasnt too bad and ive probably saved £1 :)....lunch was an egg mayo sandwich with loads of cress (grown on the kitchen window sill) and sourdough bread (grown in my bread maker with the rest of the loaf being carefully sliced up and popped in the freezer rather than great chunks of it being torn off by various bodies throughout the day and then binning the remainder) and a tomato (it needed colour)... small steps eh!!  so in  2 days i haven't actually spent any money which is really good for me ..not so bad of im at home but i worked today and that meant going past the farmers market on the way home - mouthwatering brownies and various concoctions that i left behind :(

.. Monday tomorrow so can start to put all this saving to the test.. have been contemplating knocking off the booze for a while anyway so that wont be a hardship. ive cut right down over the past 2 years so it seems like a natural progression to just not drink... think a few of my friends might find it a bit odd but i think they'll understand. its an expense it just cant spare . what to do with the 3 bottles of bubbles in the cupboard though - save them for a birthday treat perhaps or gifts for someone else even!

Right, now which cupboard did i last see that old tin of black beans lurking in...



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